Many people find great comfort in visiting the gravesite of their deceased relatives, and this practice is encouraged, especially on the Yahrzeit - the anniversary of the death. However, our Rabbis are clear that it is not acceptable to stand at a graveside and implore the person interred there to intercede with the Almighty on their behalf. Anyone who does this is, in fact, transgressing the Torah command against 'inquiring of the dead.'

In the cemetery, it is permitted to implore God, that He should have mercy on oneself for the sake of the pious people who are buried there.

It is not the traditional Jewish practice to place flowers on a grave, but there is a widespread custom to place a small pebble on the gravestone when one visits a cemetery. A number of reasons have been suggested for this:

• Before formal gravestones were introduced, it was the custom to mark the site of a burial by covering it with a pile of stones and pebbles. Because of the elements as well as people passing by who might remove them, it became customary to replace them each time someone went to pay a visit there, and this custom has persisted.
• It is thought to recall the ancient practice of sealing the opening of a grave with a large stone.
• Many people think of it as a sign that someone has been to visit the grave, and consider it an honour to the memory of the deceased to leave behind a token of that visit.

Other occasions when it is particularly appropriate to visit relatives' graves are fast days and during the weeks leading up to the high holydays.